self appreciation

Lets just forget about everything and think we're on "Who wants to be a millionaire".

Now i don't remember this game much, but what i know are basics. You win more money if you answer more questions. But if you want to keep the money you've got, you just grab the money and run... i don't know if i'm right but this is what i think.

Imagine you're the one playing. You've got 50,000 in your bank. Now this is the point where you think through stuff. You're thinking.. "Hey, i could run away with the 50,000, i'll win, but i won't be as rich as 100,000... or even a million...What can i do...". This part drives you INSANE. You can't think right. And then you do it. You risk it. You risk it all for a better outcome.

So this is what i'm going to talk about today. Taking risks for self appreciation. Yeah, a big big big metaphor.

So everyday i see people bringing themselves down. I have a question. Why bring yourself down when you have the choice not to do so? I mean... people bring other people down all the time. Isnt it enough? Or do you REALLY need, besides someone else bringing you down, bring YOURSELF by your choice down too? I don't know if i made any sense...

You gotta love yourself. You're worth it all. You can do ANYTHING if you want to. You're worth millions to someone. You're special to someone. But have you asked yourself... Are you someone's favorite person? Are you?

You've gotta be different. And when it all comes down, all the bad words the people said to you, all the compliments that raised your spirit, everything, will be worth it too.

Be yourself! As cliche as it sounds... it works. Now you're probably asking yourself what the hell does who wants to be a millionaire has to do with this. Okay so lets say you're depressed. You can't find anything that goes right. NOTHING! Well, as i said a million times before, everything just finds it way. But i know words are foolish when you're thinking this. Nothing can't go into your head. You're the 50,000 prize you've already won, but you want more. You want the 100,000. And secretly, you want the million. But you know you arent gonna have it.

Why does it exist if you can't have it? OF COURSE YOU CAN.

Now moving on. Lets just get this clear. Take a breath, and see what you got. You got people around you that love you the way you are. You've got a breathing LUNG for god sakes. You're not dying. You're probably living better than many other people. Think positive. Think right.

You've got some good 50,000 to spend on. Some people don't even have a cent. And im not necesarily talking about money... if you actually understand what i'm saying, kudos to you!

Now if you wanna get better, take a risk. Risks are my favorite. Who knows, maybe you'll end up with 100,000. And it would be enough for you. But you can lose it all. But its all for change, isnt it? You're tired of the same old story, the same old ending, the same DAYS on repeat. Do it, i dare you. Take a risk. If you lose, theres a lesson bigger than you waiting for you. So don't worry.

But let me tell you one VERY important thing. 50,000 is ALOT. What you have is enough. What you have is beautiful. You're gorgeous in your own way. People that don't appreciate it are people that are not worth having a second in your life, so why bother.

You may ask, what am i? I'm a proud 100,000. I've taken risks. Some people notice, some people don't. Some people are astonished that I did some things at such young age. But whatever. And as a great risk taker, i want to be a self appreciation millionaire.

"I can say i hope it will be worth what i give up"

the whole "Who wants to be a millionaire" thing doesnt have to do with the million times i said "million" in this blog

xo - Mercy

P.S. i couldnt stop thinking about dev patel's hotness throughout this whole blog

i just don't get it

Do you have a problem with someone, something so bad, that you get disgusted? Do you even know that person? Do you want to make a change to that person? Or will you live calmly knowing you'll live better than he will ever live?

I'm talking about TEENAGERS. I'm one. Figures. But theres this funny thing i just don't get. I don't get teenagers. And sometimes, i don't even get my close friends. Teenagers have the tendency to bring someone else down. Criticize. The prime factor in this problem is that they think NOTHING will happen. When its quite the opposite

Dont get me wrong, i love being a teenager. I'm amazed at all the teenagers around me. They seem happy. And thats what it is about, being happy, isnt it? But theres this thing that bothers me; How do they keep living an unhealthy way if they know they'll end up being something much worse than those who they bother? Something worse than the people they make fun of? (This is the perfect example of the kid who is bullied and 20 years after the bully ends up working with him... hey.. IT HAPPENS!)

I used to be bullied. I can gladly say i was proud of it. This was 5th grade, i remember it. Kinda blurry though. I remember bully #1 next to bully #2 in a round table. Back then, breaking the rules was a blasphemy, so i had to sit down with them because the teacher said so. They could talk and talk about me and laugh everytime i sat down. I'm honest, everytime they layed an eye on me, they'd chuckle. It was living hell for me. I didn't go to school for weeks.

I still find my way to be positive

But then came 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th grade. You could see the bullying go lower and lower each year, because we are "supposely" being more mature. But the girls were amazingly mean. They would glare and laugh. I did not know what i was doing wrong. I was scared, terrified... I was different.

Now at first i said what the hell. If thats the problem, lets be even more different. But over these years i noticed thats not the problem. The problem is them. Not me. And what ever thing they do will affect themselves, not me. I kinda repeated that last sentence the past 5 years of my life.

People i'm friends with say i'm strong. Thats not it. I realized things teenagers dont GET at such age. Maybe that means i'm growing up faster than they do. Madonna once told me i'm older emotionally. But now, everytime i see someone glare, or just laugh at my back... I ignore. Its something i do often. I cant let them inside my head. Thats what they want. And they don't deserve you.

Now lately i have no problem with most teenagers. I'm selfish; as long as they do not do stuff to me, i'm alright. But this last month i've been selfless. Here's a little note to some people i've seen out there...

Do you feel big when you laugh at someone who is telling you their lives in a DIFFERENT way?

Do you feel amazing when you just, don't care, laugh at the important things, and act careless around your friends?

Or even more important, those friends... DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE FRIENDING?

You gotta take care of yourself, if you're a teenager. Be an adult before age. In that way, you'll start before. And dont be lazy, there's plenty of time to rest when you die. Love yourself, before all this circumstances. You could be the most excellent student, the most respectful friend... but it all would be a lie if you don't love yourself first.

I will now proceed to sleep

xo - Mercy

P.S.: Mean girls still laugh at the sight of me. I laugh harder. :)

"where are you mike?"

I'm just saying, this caps thing will be gone by the end of the week. i dont use caps. I'm just trying to be professional. It never works.

SUMMMMERRRR??????

SUMMMMMERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!ONEONEONE

I pretty much was a bum. I ended finals with a BAM thinking i was going to make a remedial exam bout french. I could swear the teacher hated me, and i could swear i was going to fail miserably. But i didnt. I'm starting to think he didn't really hated me...

So first days of summer i slept at 4 am and woke up at noon. I ate like a maniac. Never, i tell you, NEVER leave nutella in my house when i'm in a "sleep late, wake up late" mode. NEVER. I'm pretty sure i packed on some pounds, but as they come they go. They'll leave soon, believe me. I know how to deal with them. We're like best friends. We get along. Mr. poundy and me. Actually, its kinda like a love/hate relationship.

Madonna practically is disappointed. I have my normal wed/thurs/friday classes, but he still wants more. I couldnt give it, with the excuse that i needed rest from all those hours school had taken away. Cue the rolling of eyes.

When i started to feel like i was about to get attached permanently to the couch (The heat and being there sitting all day do not mix) i decided to get my licence. If you know me personally, you'd know i am TERRIFIED of cars. They are evil creatures. I dont like them. So the classes were painful. I even made myself to think something was happening everytime. I remembered to tell my mom that i love her, Madonna that i'll miss him, and my friends that they'll keep my belongings...

Needless to say, I'm alive AND with a licence. Wooohooo. I actually find driving quite entertaining. But driving in reverse is a pain in my butt. I can't deal with it. My garage is a pain in the butt too.

Okay, moving on... i was getting used to wake up, eat, hang with friends, watch degrassi, sleep. Repeat. Every week. It was starting to get dull. But then my family members (Who in total, are 9 people, including sisters' husbands and my little niece) decided to go to ALASKA. Like, what the hell. What the hell was i supposed to do there? A 16 year old hormonal girl with 87 year old grandparents?

Totally kidding about that last sentence. But you get the point.

So my parents did EVERYTHING. i tell you, EVERYTHING possible to convince me to go. They said i could

a) Shop whatever i want

b) Go to Houston a week before
c) Invite someone

So i decided with A) and C). My cousin, Meli, was in the game. Now i was all good. Everything was fine. I knew that if i was stuck in a 5 hour whale watch, i could just bother her. Me being the most awesome cousin there is...

Now Meli always invites me to Mazatlan. I never go. But this time i said, why the hell not. I needed a tan anyways

It was so much fun. I went there thinking that i would have some kind of relationship with my cousins hot hot hot friends, but whatever, i liked it anyway. I happened to stay outside for one hour, each side, to tan. I got sunburnt. It hurted like hell. But YAY i got my tan. I was no longer pale...

The plan was: Go to mazatlan for a week, go back home for 3 days to pack and get ready for Alaska, and then go to Alaska for aprox. 2 weeks. And while i was in my total relaxation point in a floatable banana, falling down to an ocean of opportunities.... and it was DEEP as hell. (I realized the fear of heights also works in ocean...) Canada decided to ask us mexicans for visas. Two days before going to Alaska. And the cruise shipped from Vancouver.

First thought in my mind: ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!

But then my aunt and my momma made their magic, of course Madonna did too... And next thing i know, i only had 5 hours in my home. I cried like a baby. I wanted to be back home, in my bed. And sleep til 4. And wake up til 12. cry cry cry

Melissa and I felt like complete rockstars. We just came back from a trip and went to another. I told her that. She didnt understand til halfway through the trip...

LONG plane rides make my life hell. And when we got in the airport, the wait was even HELLER. yes thats my new word. HELLER!! we had to wait 5 hours in line. I remember hitting my toe in a corner, and a tear fell down my cheek. My family was around me, but they didnt say anything at all. They were all stressed. Thats when a random canadian guard came up to me and asked me if i was okay. I fell in love immediately with the canadian people. SO nice

Now i'm in vancouver, wasting my college fund in american apparel, banana rep and urban. My mom has this hate mode everytime my sisters and I shop. She thinks we spend too much money and she doesnt speak to us all day. At all.

We touristed like tourists. We walked around like tourists. We took pictures like tourists. Well duh, we WERE tourists after all.

All aboard the serenade of the Seas! Oh i did NOT know what was coming. I clearly didn't. We got in, and Meli and I promised ourselves we were gonna be WILD. And we're pretty much boring. So it was a big thing for us. So that night, we went to a "teen club" And there were some crazy people. Seriously. We realized that even though mexican people have the tendency to be loud and crazy, americans are MUCH more liberal. We had to say no at the perverted offers. It actually made us laugh.

We visited some weird towns. The first one looked like the movie, "Texas chainsaw massacre". The second one, "House of wax". And the third one looked like the ring. Amazingly creepy. Alaska is a very interesting state. I cannot say the sceneries were boring, cause they werent. They were astonishing! I couldnt believe my eyes. I did not know glaciars looked BLUE.

My little niece put up the color in the cruise. She's an amazingly smart little one year old. I remember that she carried her portable dvd with NEMO. When the DVD didnt work, she took my hand, and clicked PLAY with my hand. She gets it from her aunt. And she was obsessed with nemo. Every single time she saw ocean, she had a sudden outburst to yell "Nemo!!!!"

Some Blah-blahs, some stupid boys, some REALLY stupid girls later... we got outta the cruise. We lost our camera. Bummer. I felt like crying all day. It was horrible. I missed my cruise friends dearly, and i know they were a big part of my summer. They were ccuuuhhhhrazy, but amazing.

Now that i'm back, starting school... i feel sad. Sad because i didnt knew i could be that happy. Sad because i did not know i was happy when i was. Sad because i don't get to go to the Windjammer in the morning for breakfast, play ping pong challenges in the afternoon and stay up to 2 am in the jacuzzi with clothes. I will miss you all dearly.

Don't forget me. I won't forget ya.

xo - Mercy

things DO change

I feel like a blog addict already.

Sorry.

And i'm even more sorry to myself because i know i'm speaking to me. Who am I kidding? But its okay with me, as long as I say it. Never say i didnt say so! Or write. Whatever.

Okay so, exactly 7 months ago i was pretty much listening to "Change" by Taylor Swift on repeat. This is the kind of song you hear and hear and you're convinced its going to make some kind of impact in your life, but it doesnt, and you just forget it. I felt so lost at the time. I just didnt know what i wanted, and i was scared that if i just stood there, all the chances were going to fly away from my hands. I was terrified. I couldnt sleep. And when i did, I couldnt wake up easily. I didnt look up to anything.

School was being a bitch. I couldnt get good grades. I couldnt stop driving my parents insane. I was going to a path i didnt wanted to. Until i asked for help.

GUYS, ask for help. Not neccesarily "doctor" help. Just ask for a hand in a nearby person. Your sister, your brother. They love you more than that doctor wants you to get better. They are always the best medicine. And tell your mom about everything. I told mine about my stuff, and she laughed. It was actually pretty hilarious, she couldnt believe i was passing through the same stuff she did when she was young. In that way, i knew i was going to be okay. Cause she's okay.

Now, if things are even MORE extreme, ask for help in God. I know some of you don't believe, and i'm not the best God follower out there; I dont go to church, I dont pray much, I swear, I eat when i wanna, etc... But i'm telling you, he loves you so much! I know about it. If you're distant from him, he keeps you closer to his heart. If you listen to him in the worst of times, he'll make it better.

So back to the story... I finally gave in and asked for help. I was disappointed in myself because i didnt wanted people to know i was weak. And thats the first mistake you'll ever make in adult life. Dont be afraid to be seen at your worse, for people will help you with their best. Isnt it what you want? To be helped with all their strength? If you ask me, i prefer help from someone who means it that someone who just pities me.

Things started to make sense. Basically because the person who helped me, who from now on we will name "Madonna", just lend a hand. And thats where it all gets better. Cause you know you only needed A STEP to be okay. You start walking on your own to somewhere that makes sense to you.

Now for all these past months i've been working on it non stop. Madonna's proud. My momma's proud. But HEY! I'm losing my patience. And this things taking long. What are you supposed to do?

I'm not trying to give a smartass answer to this question; I'm actually asking myself that. I dont know what to do. I barely do have any time to think about it. I'm just savouring the moment as for now. And what will happen, will happen.

People say i have the best of luck. I dont believe in luck. I believe that God loves me.

Everything will be fine, I promise.

xo - Mercy

P.S. I'm excited for the outcome. You guys don't know what it is about. Maybe you do. But you'll know. And i'll be happy about all those people who once brought me down. Cause i know i'll be living my life, and they will not be involved. And if they ever do want to, I'll give them a chance. Be the bigger person. Of course, i'm never going to fall for the pretty compliments. Expect the worst, keep your guard....
Oh and things did change. Taylor Swift was right.

is this thing on?

I decided to start writing a blog because I have sudden thought outbursts during physics class. So i thought, why waste them? Why forget them? Lets write a BLOG!

So lately I've been busy as hell. I do not know if thats alright or not... my dad says it is. Whatever, i prefer to be lazy and stay home. But i'm afraid I cant. I'm a responsible student now. Supposedly.

I've been fighting myself to do some stuff. Seriously, i feel so complicated. I blame it on the teenage years. I've always felt like i'm in MOVEMENT. Mercy number one thinks everything will get solved by solving one problem. But Mercy number two realizes i'm always in problems. This is the constant MOVEMENT i'm talking about. And i'm sorry for the annoying caps that i just throw in.

Whatever, i'm supposed to be studying. And doing homework. Hence the name "Procrastination"...Cause thats all this blog is about. Thoughts in Physics class.

Nice to meetcha, blog. I hope we can be friends

xo - Mercy