sábado, 13 de julio de 2013

La naturaleza es perfecta.

Por qué insistir en vivir en un mundo solitario en tu cabeza, cuando hay un mundo que se puede compartir?

Las cosas mas reales de nuestro universo pasan cuando un detalle de tu vida cotidiana se mete a tu mente, se maximiza naturalmente, sin tener que pensarlo, como de semilla a flor.

Después se siente tanto, que los otros sentimientos que hayas sentido en tu pasado de pronto se vuelven absurdos.  

Absurdos porque en alguna vez esos sentimientos fueron arduamente analizados para poderlos entender, y llegaron a existir solo en tu mente.

Y los sentimientos de lo real no necesitan ser entendidos.

En el momento en el que el detalle simple florece y ocupa tu mente, tu dejas de tener la necesidad de entender la relación entre tu mente y cuerpo en la búsqueda de perfección y empiezas a aceptar que la naturaleza no piensa, solo siente. 

De nada sirve pensar algo que nunca se podrá entender.

xx m

sábado, 24 de septiembre de 2011

Something like worthy poetry even if you're feeling great
Something like cotton candy, something like chocolate cake
Something falling down, something passing by
Something like sugar, sweet banana cream pie

Something sour, like lime
Something cruel like you
Something bitter like tears
Something perfect in time
Something needed in time

Something like poor poetry when you're feeling like shit
Someone just like me that I just cannot see
Something beautiful,
Something that made my dream true, that something took it away

Something sour, like warheads
Something cruel like expensive shoes
Something perfect instead
Something needed instead

Something cool, like iced tea
Something fake to sweeten
And something wandering my mind
Something wandering my mind
Something perfect indeed
Something needed indeed

Something there forever
Something there to haunt me
Something of mine given to him
So he can let me live
Something there in my body
Something deep in my soul
something good when I'm happy
Awful when all alone

Something happy forever
Something sad for a while
Something happy forever
Something sad for a while

jueves, 25 de agosto de 2011

My inconformity with doubt and why I feel like an alien sometimes...

This morning, I walked through my university’s halls completely aware. I was aware of my hair; 2/5ths of it have to be on the front, 3/5ths on the back. I was aware of the transparency of people, therefore aware of their personality. I was aware of my car keys in my bag. I was aware of where I came from. I was aware of what I’ve done but I couldn’t understand. I couldn’t understand how, even with this level of awareness, little things slipped through my fingers like water. And I would never, ever know what those things were. And that, my dear Watson, pisses me off.

You know that feeling of gratification you get when you know why things happen? Why you do? Why you feel? And then ask yourself why didn’t you listened before, why were you so blind, or why didn’t anyone comment on it before?

Artists nowadays don’t like methodology; don’t like rules. They will just throw the idea out there. I consider myself creative and I also consider artists troubled, for unhealthily getting deeper into humanity and discover things that they (ATTENTION) do not know (doesn't make sense, huh?). A while ago I merged myself into a world that I thought was completely appalling: Learning how to feel. I refused, being the artistic soul that I was, I couldn’t do it. I’ve written my best lines in times of need and I was completely afraid of losing what I thought was ‘me’. I was right in my mind. But I was wrong in others. And bam. Feelings explosion.

Feelings explosion is something I realized that happens in my everyday life. My life, artistic or not, was like an experiment. I had to make it an experiment in order to be able to solve my questions. I saw patterns, and one of those was my least favorite, the “feelings explosion”. Every time I felt too much, I thought too less. It is metaphorically a giant explosion in my head. I would just babble and walk around, almost sick to my stomach. Why? Why can’t I just order my head like a library? This section feelings, this section wishes, this section thoughts, this section memory. Why do I instead order it like messy post-its everywhere? Why isn’t my mind over my control? Isn’t it supposed to be MY mind, not my evil apathy's? Or even more confusing: Why if I have my own mind, I created my own evil side? Why would somebody do that to themselves?

This is where religion strikes in. A higher power. Evil trying to pull me in. That’s it. Problem solved. I don’t want to get into religion much because, to be honest, I’d be hypocritical because I’m completely ignorant of it. I just accept it; after all, that’s why people aren’t really uncomfortable with doubt. But thanks to my ignorance and complete indifference to religion, I don’t just stay in religion. I go way further.

For the past few years I’ve heard different points of view from different famous theorists around the world. Knowledge only makes things harder, because when other people choose to believe certain theories, I find truth in them all. For example, I believe humans are not evil by nature, but do have the tendency to be, mainly with oneself. And that makes me believe they are evil by nature.

The truth is just a big salad of opinions. I find myself agreeing with everyone and forming my own little, everything salad (with a side of me). But then, in the middle of this, I ask myself: “Why do I need to know it?” Because to be honest, I’m fine. I don’t need to trouble myself with questions. I think I would rather live happily forever instead of waste time having doubt. Ignorance IS bliss.

But that leads to another thought and mildly introduced as my theory; that perfection leads to nothing and no where. This will sound cliché and I’m sure you all have heard it before that without evil, good wouldn’t be here to fight it. Without feeling sad, we wouldn’t know how feeling good feels. When something’s gone that you never had, you’re numb. It doesn’t affect you. Therefore, if humanity was completely perfect, we’d be good looking zombies. Feelings for me are a synonym of imperfection. And I'm not saying that that is bad.

My point is: these last months I’ve understood why I shouldn’t know. And what things I should. I should know the things I’m passionate about to make them closer to perfection so everyone would feed off it. I shouldn’t know why I’m passionate about it.

So humanity is weird. I’ve asked myself so many times why people are mean to each other when you have the choice to be good. And the thing is, everything evil you project, you will get. But boy A just doesn’t give a damn and boy B is bitter because of people not giving a damn. You’re always feeling, but people ignore it. And boy A and boy B should be friends. You don’t know how others are thinking. For all we know, some people think with unimaginable things, while we think like we do. For all we know, people look at shapes differently than we do. We’ll never know how different one mind is from another. And there’s definitely no use in dwelling in something you either can’t change or won’t ever know.

Xoxo - Mercy

viernes, 31 de diciembre de 2010

why do i keep writing songs in new years?

open my eyes, i feel blind
i was dancing in the moon
why do i have to go soon?
but now i know it's okay, life moves on

they say girls like me
either get too lost in what could it be's
or get found in impossibilities
but now i know, winter aint that cold and summer aint that warm
and lovers aint that much in love

why do i keep on dreaming?

i want to feel that impatient anxiety
where i can't sleep
can't wait to what it'll be
yet i can't wait for the exact opposite

i want to be awake
like when i was just a kid
where i could smell and feel and touch and see the same old boring thing but love it anyways

why do i keep on dreaming?

they say girls like me have a thousand eyes
they say dreamers break their own heart apart
they say boys like you aren't meant to stay
but i'll keep dreaming that you'll stay anyway

why do i keep on dreaming?

miércoles, 22 de diciembre de 2010

this blog is melissa's fault

As the end of the year approached... I realized I had no song, no word, no nothing of the year. In comparison to last year, I did not really thought of this as the end of the year. Time passed by so quickly and it has been so much fun that I just couldn’t sum it up. So I’ve decided to write a blog. I don't know what it is about but the only thing I can tell you is that the order probably won't have sense whatsoever... or the whole blog won't.

As i was sitting on my couch and had nothing else to do but eat I had an epiphany. I don't know how huge of a deal it is (to be honest, I never know how huge of a deal stuff is until i see people's reactions on it) but I know that it is, somewhat, life changing (to be honest, every single thing I do is).

As I was saying, as I was eating a choco-chip muffin, I discovered the way the mind works. I could tell my mind to keep eating, and it would, but when I tried to stop I couldn't. I mean come on, it was a good muffin, but I’ve been eating more than twice the calories i should for a week and a half, and its time to stop. So I did. And I started planning. I remembered planning something about the day after it, that i would eat healthy organic foods and fiber. Clean up my system like it was before all this junk. And I did. But then, as I planned the day after that one, my mind failed on me as a huge cookie came my way. And again, and again, and again. I felt like a total stranger to myself, and I had no dedication to my diet. I wanted to step out my body and look at myself, to see what is wrong. I couldn't. I still can't. I'm just writing.

Before I realized this, I kind of viewed myself as a hobo with a home whose most exciting part of the day is having cookies for dinner. Obsessions are hypocrites, no matter what it is. Huge, stupid, selfish hypocrites.

BUT the epiphany appeared. It goes something like: There are two people inside me, and they hate each other. Kind of like the devil and angel above my shoulders, but sneaky. This had to do with my eating for that week and with whatever other problem I’ve ever had. I never thought of their presence, but now that I’ve found them its like, for once, I don't get to be one or another, I just get to be me. The hell with body image and the hell with food. I got to hear the devil and the angel in a balanced way. I will never be too good or too bad, no matter how much my head tells me. I'm in between.
Organizing things will make you crazy. You live your life organizing or you organize your life living. I choose the second one, for once and for all.

Now, talking about problems lately, I’ve never been much of a talker of love, but never in my life have I hated someone. I love so many people in so many ways, and I love everything that surrounds me. I love the people that need me and I love the people who don't. But I never say it. I hate when people think I’m something I’m not but I keep it cool. It is impossible to not care what other people think, it’s egocentric and stupid, because to be honest, doing things that only you like won't be of the likes of others and you'll end up lonely, old, and with a bunch of cats as your companion. Cats don't judge, eh?

It's like, this whole year I’ve realized that the best things in life are the bad things. You can gain weight, but you can lose it. You can win and win and win... and the winning won't be fun anymore. You need to lose to know how it feels to win. I did not learn it the hard way; I just know that I learned it. If this blabbing make any sense. But that is all I want everyone to know, and if I see someone feeling defeated in whatever social network I’m on, I always try to say "Move on". There are falls everywhere and there is no goal. Everyone's goal is happiness, but it’s nonexistent. It might sound heartbreaking, but it is not. Your whole life you'll try to reach it, and when it’s been too much time and too much effort, you will look back and regret that you didn't know that happiness was already there. That’s why old people always say something like, "enjoy your youth" or something. You are in happiness. You're just way too concentrated trying to know what happiness is and where it is that you confuse yourself. There is no way to know it, and if there was, God would've already shown it to us. But he hasn't.

If you ever feel ignored, stupid, or just, like to hit yourself emotionally, stop. I got to be honest, I’m no one to talk about this kind of stuff, because I am NOWHERE near perfect (specially in this topic) but I know that if I try to tell people to change maybe me myself and I will too. It’s never about changing yourself; it’s about trying to help others. And once you've spent a little of your time trying to solve someone else's problem you'll realize you left no time for yours. It’s good, try it.

And last but not least, writing. I've always felt this awkwardness when someone asks "What do you do in your free time?" and I answer "Write.". It’s egotistic and it makes me sound like a hippie. I've looked for many other ways to phrase it but there is no other way. So yeah, I write, I’m no nerd, I did not get a high SAT score but I did get a good grade in Spanish. And I can write a song out of nowhere about anything in 5 minutes. "To all those people out there who think I’m no good, you're no better."

After all those "need-of-air' laugh fits and scary stories of how easy it is to die after a “near death experience” (which wasn’t really near)... after all those nights that we ate so much it felt like a hangover the next day... after the infinite silences of the psychologist that always was there for a reason... I know all this. So it is all about a balance. That is, after all, the word I chose for my 2010. What’s yours?

xxxxxxxx - Mercy

PS - its okay to fall. Do it often. But pick yourself up before you fall again, or you will just look weird laying on the floor all the time. Oh and live for the little things.

lunes, 20 de septiembre de 2010

boot shaped country

Living in a boot shaped country
Miles away from Tuscany
Living in the smallest villa
That in your life you've ever seen

But its okay, if I get hungry
I can plant some apple trees
Afternoons I'll drink wine, eat bread
With every type of cheese

Its a weekend, roadtrip to Rome
Oh my god its wonderful
A single pasta made for two
A million different ways to fall in love

Love stories don't come close
This is my hearts biggest desire
All this seems so complicated
But to me it sounds just fine

Sit for hours doing nothing
but to have you for yourself
Don't know myself in the morning
Be my best friend in the end

Say hello with bigger smiles
And say goodbyes with namaste's
Go to sleep and never wake up
Til I repeat it the next day

I keep dreaming
That I'd leave this place tonight
I don't know if it'll work
But it won't help if I won't try

Love stories don't come close
This is my hearts biggest desire
All this seems so complicated
But to me it sounds just fine

viernes, 13 de agosto de 2010


I can't wait to lose, and I can't wait to win. I really can't wait to have the perfect job but I also can't wait to work in Mcdonalds. I can't wait to be really heartbroken but I can't wait to exchange my vows. I can't wait to eat a piece of red velvet cake, but I can't wait to lose a pound. I can't wait for my math class to be over, and I can't wait to have my french class (hot teacher).

I can't wait to go skiing for the first time, but I also can't wait to fall on my ass.

I can't wait to laugh and cry, to lose and gain friends. I can't wait to buy my dream handbag and I can't wait to buy toilet paper. I can't wait to hear my father say 'no' to something I really want, and honestly, I'm thrilled when he says yes. Can't wait to travel the whole world and I can't wait to not afford it.

I can't wait to sleep til 3 am and I can't wait to sleep, well, all day long.

I can't wait to break my bones and I can't wait to show my scars. I can't wait to have a certain balance of both bad and good. Bad makes me stronger, good makes me happy; NOTHING makes me any wrong. Because the truth is... I can't wait to live.

Much love and xo's - Mercy